Good & Bad Touch: Let’s Make Our Little Ones Aware

As our little ones grow we teach them about what is good and what is bad, but that’s usually in terms of moral values. We teach them about which things around them are safe and which things around them can cause danger. We are always protective about their safety if they are riding a cycle, jumping on the sofa, playing in the park so that they don’t end up hurting themselves. It’s equally important to be protective about their innocent feelings too. We usually teach them that don’t respond to strangers, don’t go with them anywhere, don’t eat anything given by the strangers, but it is also important to tell them that we should loudly respond to a stranger’s inappropriate behaviors. Now, what are inappropriate behaviors? Inappropriate behaviors involve forceful touching, hugging, kissing, showing their private parts, asking kids to touch them, threatening them and saying not to disclose it to anyone, luring the kids to do whatever they say and promising to give toffees, chocolates or their favorite toys etc.

It’s important to educate our kids about safe and unsafe touch. Having a notion that they will understand everything with time may lead to a horrible experience for them. Any kid who is able to follow simple instructions can understand and must be educated about good/safe and bad/unsafe touch. It’s essential to take out some time and teach our little ones at least the basic safety measures. Discussing these things with your kids may lead to some extra queries; deal with them smartly and sensitively. Keep repeating, unless you are sure that they have understood it well. Also, it has to be taught not only to girls, but also to boys. In today’s time no child is safe. Abuse may take place with girls as well as with boys; hence, it is important to keep our kids updated with the knowledge of good and bad touch or safe and unsafe touch. Discuss about it when your child is in a mood to listen. Prepare your child by saying that today we are going to discuss something very important, and it’s important to understand for them as they are growing now. Show your child the following picture and start with explaining about the private parts:

Once your child has understood about his/her private parts, discuss the following questions with her/him:

What is good touch?

Hugging, patting on the shoulders or back, shaking hands, kissing on the forehead, hands, and cheeks.

What is bad touch?

Tightly holding our hands and forcefully trying to pull us, trying to touch the private parts, forcing us to touch their private parts, and forcefully trying to kiss us.

Who is likely to give us good touch?

Parents (mumma-papa), friends, teachers, and family friends are likely to give us good touch.

Who is likely to give bad touch?

Usually strangers are likely to give us bad touch but even if someone known to us does that we should oppose strongly.

How do we oppose others doing bad touch?

Strongly and loudly “say NO”, shout at them, run from there and approach someone you trust like your parents, teachers, friends, whoever is available nearby and you feel safe with.

Who is allowed to touch the private parts?

Parents/other family members while giving bath, assisting during toilet, doctor during the health checkup (in the presence of parents or other family member).

What to do if someone gives you bad touch and asks not to tell anyone or asks to keep it a secret?

There are no such secrets. If anything like that happens, or someone tries to do that, you must inform your parents, family members, teachers, or anyone you trust or feel safe with.

How to react if someone known to me (but not a family member) asks to give them a hug or kiss, or sit on their lap?

If you feel safe with them, and doing that does not make you uncomfortable, you can do that (in the presence of your parents or other older family members). But, if it makes you uncomfortable and you just don’t feel like doing that, it’s okay to humbly say no.

Notes for parents:

• Don’t force your child to hug or kiss others even if they are known to you. Respect their response if they say no or don’t feel like doing that.
• Teach your child not to do such things with others even if they ask.
• Give your child confidence to share everything with you. Be sure that they don’t get scared if they experience anything like this by chance.
• Keep asking your kids on regular intervals how they are feeling and ask them to be vocal about when they feel good or when they feel not so good.
• Be observant about changes in your child’s mood and behaviors.
• Be patient while listening to them and respond positively even if you think that the child could have handled the situation in a better way.
• Be vigilant about the physical complaints like abdominal pain, marks on the skin, resistance to visit particular places or persons.

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