Since the year 2020 after outbreak of COVID-19, the losses bared by the whole world are not unseen. People went through extremely devastating circumstances in terms of falling badly sick, witnessing deaths of loved ones, losing jobs, going through financial crisis, and above all facing acute mental pressure caused by all these circumstances. To prevent the spread of the virus some strict actions were taken by the government and lock-down was announced. Soon after the lock-down working individuals started to work from home and students started to study from home as their online classes begun. For older students it was a bit easier as they know the use of technology, but for the younger students it was extremely difficult. Making them sit in front of the screens has been a difficult task for parents, and especially in those homes where both parents are working. Initially it appeared tough but gradually everything settled down.

The scenario has changed now where everyone got vaccinated, cases are under control, no more restrictions on traveling or attending social gatherings, schools have been reopened for all grades and our little ones are all set to have a fresh start. But, is it so straightforward? Thinking about the young students who started their academic journey online, studied nursery and LKG in absolute online mode, and now they have to attend physical schooling. Technically, they are attending school for the first time because they never saw how a school or a class room actually looks like. Even those who physically went to school in nursery must have been really small at that time and probably just learned to accommodate at a place other than home. Earlier it appeared that online schooling is difficult, but returning back to school seems more challenging especially for young students who have little or no experience of physical schooling. It is also a tricky situation for parents, especially those who are sending their kids to school for the first time. Separating your child from you and hand over them to a completely new environment comes with a lot of apprehensions. Since the children have not gone to school from last two years they too are a little cranky about getting out of their comfort zone. Some of them do not wish to leave their homes because they have only heard a name called school but never experienced it in person. Attending online classes at home and going out of their comfort zone to attend school are two different things and need much more adjustment than one can think. Worrying about our child being away from us is okay but ensuring that they cope well with this change is something that needs more attention. Kids attending their first year of school may not be able to articulate everything well happening in school. Sometimes they might only cry and not tell us exactly what is bothering them. They might be upset with few things but unable to express adequately. This new normal has come with a lot of challenges and there might be a lot of issues keep coming in near future. Following are some of the issues likely to be faced by kids in school:

1. Fear of leaving home and getting separated from parents/loved ones/protective figures.
2. Fear of being alone in an unknown new environment for quite long hours.
3. Sitting for long hours at one place which they are not used to.
4. Eating their snacks and lunch all by themselves that many children don’t do at home as their parents feed them.
5. Missing their parents/family members in school and getting cranky about not having them there.

Not only children, even parents can have a tough time adjusting to this new normal as they might keep thinking that:

1. Did the child eat?
2. Did the child wash hands after using the washroom and before eating?
3. Did the child sanitize hands?
4. Is the child being taken care?
5. Is the child okay at school?

Once the kids are handed over to school authorities parents need to keep faith on them that the child will be taken care. It is not easy to handle one or two kids at home so it’s obviously going to be difficult for them to deal with so many kids of different temperament at a time. It always takes time initially but everything settles gradually. There might be few children that may remain calm and happy all the time, enjoy with other kids, enjoy learning new things, learning to be independent in terms of eating, using the washrooms, reading and writing, etc. On the other hand few children may not enjoy as much as other children do. So how as parent one can prepare the children? Following are some basic preparations and behaviors to adapt in daily routine for the parents to cope better themselves and also help their little ones:

Be ready to start with basics: Two years was a long time for children to be away from school. You must have prepared them earlier all those things that are required before sending the child to school. Now it’s time to do some revision. It’s okay to repeat things till they are required and learned properly. Teach the kids about basic hygiene and discipline to be maintained in school. Make them well informed about whom to contact in case of need like teacher, helpers in the classroom, or their buddy sitting next to them. Prepare and teach them about desirable behaviors at school like greeting the teachers, being nice to the classmates, listening properly when teachers are teaching etc. and undesirable behaviors like roaming here and there during class, making noise, fighting or arguing with classmates etc. and initially it has to be repeated several times and every day if needed.

Deal patiently with separation anxiety: It is possible that few children may not be willing to return to school as easily as others children do. They might start crying just when you pack their bags or put their uniforms on. In such cases it is always better to prepare the child a day before with some happy school stories. Use your own childhood stories or be imaginative to create new stories for them and tell them how school can be fun. Don’t talk about what they have to study, talk more about the new experiences they are going to have their which they cannot have at home. Example: they can meet so many children at a time, make new friends, the fun of digital classes, dance and music classes, learning to pray and sing national anthem during assembly, story telling sessions, the fun of having a ride with parents if being dropped and picked by the parents, and the fun of having ride with friends if school transport is being used. Have patience while trying these strategies because they are not going to work in one day. It might take several days to work and it always takes time to adapt to a certain routine and especially when it comes to kid’s adjustment to school.

Observe the signs of distress: It’s important to keep ourselves calm and look for the signs of distress in child. See if the child is not happy in the morning, not willing to come out of the bed, complains any kind of pain which is specific before the school starts, is consistent everyday and medically unexplained, complains about feeling lonely in class, uses verbatim like “school is no fun”, “I have no friends”, “I am afraid of the teacher” etc. Carefully observe what the child says and ask why questions. Suppose the child says “I am afraid of the teacher”, ask why? “Because she shouted/scolded me” why? “Because I was crying in the class” why? “Because I was not enjoying school” why? “Because I have no friends to talk” why? “Because ma’am don’t allow me to talk” why? “I don’t know”. So ma’am doesn’t allow anyone to talk in the class or only you are not allowed? “No one is allowed to talk in the class”. So all kids cry? “No”. So what do you think why don’t they cry in the class? “They probably like the school and don’t miss mumma papa”. Here, if you carefully read this chain of conversation it started with being afraid of the teacher but the actual cause is that the child is not enjoying the class/school and possibly misses the loved ones there. First of all, listen to your kids carefully. Ask questions and clarify what they actually mean when they say something. Sometimes the problem presented to us by them might be their misperception or probably the little understanding about “what” is being said and “why” in the class. Possibly the teacher didn’t shout at one kid, since the class was too noisy so she had to raise her voice so that everyone listens and it appeared that she was shouting.

Praise and promote even the smallest behavioral changes: Children who have been cranky and fussy about returning to school and cry every day before leaving home can be encouraged if they did not cry while packing bags, dressing up, and leaving home. They might cry when you drop them at the school gate, but they definitely deserve praise because they did not cry that much. Using positive statements like “you understand really well”, “oh you did not cry today in the morning and we really appreciate it”, “you have been a good girl/boy” etc. can give them a little boost. Always drop and pickup your kid with a hug and a big smile on face.

Make them realize that you are always there for them: Children who cry while going to the school they mostly do it because they want their parents to be with them or not okay leaving them. In such cases few symbols or tokens can be used so that they don’t miss their parents in school. These symbols could be a family picture drawn by the kid in a rough notebook that they usually carry in their bags, drawing of their favorite toys, if the child can read statements put chits in their bag, lunch box with praising statements or things you usually say when you feed them at home, if they can’t read statements use paper smilies/emoticons to cheer them. Refrain from sending actual pictures or toys because that might get lost and other kids may want that too.

Make their lunch box exciting: Usually the small kids attending school really look forward to their tiffin box. So it can be a good strategy to boost their motivation to look forward to school. Ask your child to help you with the list of his favorite dishes. Be innovative in including enough healthy things to their diet and make a list with common agreement that satisfies their taste buds and your health goals too. Use their favorite recipes as rewards whenever they do something desirable or not do anything undesirable, like cooperating to get ready for school, being okay with leaving home, not crying in the morning, finishing their tiffin etc. Candies and chocolates can be put in their tiffins once in a while to give a treat to their sweet tooth.

The bonding time: Houses where there are school-going kids they have a similar scenario in the morning. The most common statements that could be heard there are like “get up quickly”, “you will be late for school”, “you will miss your school bus”, “finish your breakfast quickly”,  “hurry up get dressed quickly”. Here the most common mistake parents make is rushing their own selves and rushing the kids too. This too is one of the reasons some children don’t like school because it feels like catching a running train that makes them run too much. Don’t wake up children in rush until or unless it’s an emergency. Not much, spare only 5 minutes every day in the morning. Instead of calling them from far and asking to wake up sit on their bed, roll your hands over their face, and softly ask to wake up. Hug them for a while, give them time to come out of the sleep, say good morning, ask if they slept well, and then proceed to the morning routine. Adjust your kitchen timing accordingly so that the mornings are happier for both child and parents and there is as less rush as possible.

Keep the communication channel open: Everyday when children return from school, ask them how was their day, what did they do, what did they learn, what happened in which class, if they finished the tiffin or not, etc. Sometimes they may not be in a mood to respond and its okay to put the conversation on hold and ask later or whenever they feel like talking about it. When they tell something listen to them carefully, be attentive, keep telling them on regular intervals that they can ask and tell you anything they wish.

Focus more on revision and less on assessment results: In last two years the children have been going through online assessments and study in front of screens. No one can deny the fact that the best learning happens in classrooms among peers. Initially, they might write slowly, they might write in bad hand writing, they might leave their class work unfinished, they might be unable to copy properly from the black board, and they might not know the entire syllabus taught in previous grade. For some time, stop thinking about how slow or fast the syllabus is running, when assessments are going to happen, why the child is not finishing the class work, etc. All children have a different learning pace, all cope differently, and it’s because there are differences in their temperamental characteristics and few other external factors contributing to their learning and adjustment. Give them some time, initially they may not perform well but gradually they will pick up if proper guidance is given to them and they are given enough time to settle down.

Avoid complaining in front of the child: Since all schooling went completely online for two years especially for the primary grades, even schools need a little time to gear up. Schools started early for the upper grades and older students are easy to manage in terms of assistance required; whereas, younger students are more or less partially dependent on the school staff to carry out many activities. Since the schools were closed for quite a long time many things have gone out of track. At the beginning of every academic session there are some issues that take time to resolve and this time COVID safety norms have made it a little more difficult to manage. There might be issues related to the transport, teaching strategies, attention towards students, behavior of helpers, their language, their training to manage so many kids at a time, cleanliness in washrooms, indoor and outdoor activities, assisting students to maintain hygiene, etc. As parents its obvious to worry about our child’s safety and especially in such a situation; however, if things are given time, dealt with patience, they can be handled in a better way. Using negative statements towards administration and teachers can lead to a negative image of school in child’s mind, and it adds up to the child’s anxiety in no better way. Also, parents need to be patient about resolution of issues at school. Before getting upset about anything analyze how important any issue is, if there are so many issues make a list based on how urgently they need to be taken to the school authorities, and how much could be handled at home itself by teaching kids to be independent. Be reasonable about expectations from teachers and helpers when it comes to the need of assistance during lunch or using washrooms. Rather than expecting them to open-close the lunch boxes and see if each and every child of the class that might have strength of 30-40 students has finished the food, its better to give kids the food of their choice which they love to eat and finish quickly, which is convenient to eat, and packed in an easy to open and close tiffin box. Paste a chit on the lunch box that says “wash your hands” so that they are reminded that they need to clean hands before eating. A small hand sanitizer can also be given to them but not with the spray bottle as it can go into eyes or food while using, and only after ensuring that the child knows how to use it. Provide them enough tissue papers so that they can use in case of need. Toilet training is also extremely important before you plan to send your child school. Make them practice at home opening their clothes and wearing them back when they use toilets, flushing properly, and washing hands immediately after they use the washroom.

In last two years almost everyone had a struggle with changing demand of time. People of all ages got affected with this physically, socially and psychologically and it is beyond imagination what the youngest population has gone through during this time. It was an emotional toll for them as they were deprived from playing outside, visiting friends, going to parks, and doing everything they enjoyed the most. It took some time but almost all children adjusted to online classes. Now its time that we boost their enthusiasm, bring them back to the physical schooling, and help them cope easily with the new normal.

This article is a small effort to help parents and young students to efficiently go through this academic transition. If you have any specific issue that your child is facing in school which is not covered in this article feel free to write back at ino@talktocure.com. For more informative articles about mental health and related issues visit www.talktocure.com.

Neelam Verma

Consultant Clinical Psychologist

Talk to cure